10 Things You’ll Totally Get If You're Married To A Guido

10 Things You’ll Totally Get If You're Married To A Guido
@djpaulyd on Instagram

Let's hear a holla from all the gals out there who married the love of their life, aka a sexy, juicy guido. 

But despite the sexy bods, guidos bring a particular set of challenges with them. Obviously, there are perks too! No hating. But let's call a spade a spade. Here are 10 things anyone who's married to a guido will totally get. 

GTL aka Gym. Tan. Laundry.

Every guidette knows that a guido's routine involves gym, tan, and laundry. It's more than a to-do list. It's a way of life.

Tanning Schedule

It's not just him getting a tan. It's him being on a tanning schedule. Some guidos go monthly. Some go weekly. After dating him for a week, you'll probably know his tanning schedule. How? Because he's bound to bring it up. A guido's worst nightmare is showing up in public looking pasty or pale. God forbid!

Hot Bod

His constant gymming and tanning may be annoying at times, but you're ok with it. Because at the end of the day, you get to sleep with a Greek God. Once you go guido, you never go back.

So. Much. Pasta.

One of the benefits of dating a guido is his cooking ability. This is a man unafraid of mixing it up in the kitchen. The problem is his special dish - PASTA! Of course, he's probably carbo-loading for some epic gym sesh. How much pasta can you eat before the love handles start to show? Fuck it. He'll love you anyway.

All About Da Familia

I'm not saying he's in the mafia. (That's an offensive stereotype that may or not be true...don't come for me!) But family means everything to a guido. Whether it's his brother, sister, Momma, Nonna (grandma), Papa, father, or someone he calls an aunt or uncle that isn't even related, family is his whole world. And therefore, it's yours too. 

He Spends A Ton Of Time On His Hair

So you think you take a long time on your hair? You're probably ready and out the door before he's even applied his second layer of product. I mean, it looks good I guess. But seriously man? Can't you cut your "hair prep" time to less than 45 minutes? Probably not...

His HUGE...Cologne Budget

Who knew a third of his paycheck would go to cologne?! Ok. I exaggerate, but only slightly. This guy always smells fresh, sometimes too fresh. But you'll grow to love your guido's scent. Well, maybe you won't But you'll learn to deal with it. 

His HUGE...Tank-Top Collection

There are certain truths that are undeniable. 2 plus 2 is 4. Water is made up of hydrogen and oxygen. Guidos love tank tops. Any questions?! You shouldn't have any because what's the point of questioning facts? There isn't one. Move along. 

His HUGE...Heart

There's a lot to shit on about guidos, but at the end of the day, they're some of the most loving guys around. Sure, they talk enough game and their biceps look like they're ready for war. But really, a guido is a big teddy bear looking for a beautiful woman to love and cherish forever. 


Did I already mention this one? Let's hope to God he avoids any tan-tastrophe like the one above. But seriously, guidos and tanning are like two peas in a pod.

Click here to get alerts of the latest stories