When it comes to superpowers, everyone always seems to want the cliché gifts of flight, mind-reading, invisibility, or any of those kinds of powers made popular by classic superhero films.
But, are those abilities actually that useful? I mean, flying sounds cool, but we have planes for that. And I'd much rather be on a temperature-controlled flight than be flying through the windy air in the middle of winter. So I came up with a list of powers that are WAY more useful in today's world.
1. Make every dog you meet fall in love with you
What if every dog in the world saw you and instantly loved you? That sounds like the closest thing to heaven on earth in my book. Even the craziest, most wild dogs would come right up to you and start licking your hand.
2. Being able to make any pair of jeans fit your butt perfectly
Shopping for jeans is exhausting. You have to try on a bunch and solicit your friends' opinions on whether or not they make your butt look too big. This superpower would let you avoid those awful days. Instead, your behind will look sexy and hawt in any pair you try on!
3. Instantly knowing all the lyrics to a rap song
Imagine how insanely epic you would be at karaoke. You could have the crowd shout out any rap song, and you'd immediately spit all those sick rhymes.
4. Recharge your iPhone by touching it
This is an ability I wish for every night. Seriously. EVERY. NIGHT.
5. Perform a painless bikini wax
If you've never had a bikini wax, consider yourself fortunate. The pain is almost unbearable. Imagine ripping a band-aid off. Now multiply that by 100. This is why we all need this power.
6. Write an 8th "Harry Potter" novel
Because the world would be a better place with an 8th novel.
7. Turn water into coffee
Jesus performed a miracle when he turned water into wine. I'd like to perform a variation of that miracle where any glass of water placed before me turns into a Starbucks Venti Blonde Roast that's extra hot!
8. Speed up time during the off-season of your favorite TV show
It annoys me when Games of Thrones kills people off and then makes me wait a year for the next episode. It pisses me off when How to Get Away with Murder ends its season on a spoiler. It infuriates me when Pretty Little Liars is on hiatus. I HATE BEING THIS ANGRY. Therefore, I need a superpower to make that anger go away by speeding up the wait-time.